It Is Well

I wasn't sure how I would feel watching my dad drive away from my house and toward his home.  I knew I would at some point cry.  I knew I'd be happy for him to move toward his joy.  I knew it would be bittersweet for me.  


Sunday morning, we all woke early.  Just as the sun rose, he announced his departure and hugged us a final time.  Steve, Finn, Sam and I escorted him to his truck and prayed a prayer of thanksgiving and traveling mercies.  He closed the door to his truck.  Laughing, he shouted from his window to me not to cry and pulled out of the driveway.  As he drove off, Steve said, "This is awesome.  This is best case scenario.  He's disease free and he's going home.  This is what we've prayed for."  It was awesome.  It was the exact right thing to say.  The perfect way to end this chapter.  


Within an hour of my dad leaving, I had rearranged the furniture in his room and vacuumed.  I cleaned out the bathroom and put up my kids things again.  It was as if he'd never been here.  It felt like it had all just been a dream.  It was a very surreal day.  Great for all of us.  


Today when I came home from work, I felt like I'd just moved into my own apartment.  Not glad to see him gone, but glad to gain my independence.  And I hope that's what he is feeling right now.  Not glad that he's no longer with me and my family, but glad to gain his independence.


I've enjoyed writing this blog.  It's been fun, intense and extremely cathartic.  Thank you to all who have followed these updates and checked in on me through out my process.  I'm an incredibly blessed human being.  I do not take it for granted.  I love you all so deeply in my heart.  I couldn't have made it without all of you.


I'd like to close this blog, at least for now,  with the lyrics from my favorite hymn.  It was written in 1873 by Horatio Spafford after the death of his four year old son which was followed by the horrific ship wreck in which all of his daughters died while traveling to Europe. His wife survived and sent him a telegram that read 'Saved Alone'.  While traveling to comfort his grieving wife, he wrote these words as the ship passed where his daughters had died.  Knowing this man was able to muster these words while walking in unimaginable grief gave me courage and comfort through my trial. 


Many blessings and all my love - Mel.




It Is Well with My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Baby Bird

Maria Montessori was an Italian doctor who created the educational approach which bears her name.  She began educating mentally retarded children in order to prove her theory. When tested, these impaired children did not do as well as normal children, they did better.  They scored above average.  If mentally disabled children could be brought to the level of normal children, what then was the potential of 'normal' children? Montessori decided to find out.  And so, the Montessori method was born.

In a nut shell, Montessori is about independence.  It teaches children freedom within limits.  Children become responsible for themselves and their choices.  It's been a very positive experience for my two little coo-coo birds.

So why am I having such a tough time letting my dad go?  He loves his independence.  And this is what the last ten months have been all about.  In a few hours he will be heading home.  Neither of us can sleep.  He's in his room and I'm in the living room watching SNL though very droopy eyes.  Tonight I changed a bandage of his for the last time and I cried.  Tears of fear, sadness and joy.  Friday we had to say goodbye to the staff at the clinic.  It was so bittersweet. One nurse in particular told him she was so happy for him and that when he first came in, she didn't think he would make it.  So great.  So sad to say goodbye.

I'm super tired.  And I'm half worried that he will wake up crazy early and just leave without saying goodbye.  Actually it's time to let the baby bird leave the nest.  Time to fly.